Ongoing List of Things I've Learned:
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| Norah Starlet Sept 12, 2010 6 lb 11 oz, 19 inch |
Morning sickness feels worse than swine flu
You should always check out any itchiness you have on your pregnant belly. Yes, it probably is a newly formed stretchmark . But it could also be a crushed Cheez-It from yesterday.
You can have a fist-sized cyst for years w/o knowing. This cyst can grow to cantelope-sized w/o you knowing - and can have a full "head" of hair. Along with retina and other various tissues.
You should always check out any itchiness you have on your pregnant belly. Yes, it probably is a newly formed stretchmark . But it could also be a crushed Cheez-It from yesterday.
You can have a fist-sized cyst for years w/o knowing. This cyst can grow to cantelope-sized w/o you knowing - and can have a full "head" of hair. Along with retina and other various tissues.
Charlie horses can feel like someone just shot you
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| 2 weeks later 7lb 13 oz, 21 inch |
There are lots of people who work in a hospital and they all want to make sure you are well rested. They wake you up every few hours to tell you that.
Labor is painful, but is fleeting. It's not so bad. And this is coming from someone with low pain tolerance.
Epidurals feel nice.
Tucks pads, ice packs, and a hole-y undergarment is a wonderful combo. You will actually miss them when you leave the hospital! But, really, did the underwear have to be hole-y?
An entire human comes out of you - I thought I knew that before, but I really didn't until I saw it.
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| At 4.5 weeks, we legally Changed Norah's name to Nora :) That 'h' was driving us crazy! And (in possibly related news??) Nora had her first smile! |
'Sleeping Like A Baby' is one of the lies that people tell you to have a baby - usually grandparents will do this because they want you to have a baby really badly and want it to sound easier than people make it out to be. Babies don't always nap well -
Pooping hurts! (Well, I kind of knew that before, but I normally stop crying after just a few seconds)
For some babies, Late to Bed means Early to Rise, with lots of rises inbetween. Conversely, Early to Bed often can result in Late to Rise.
Formula stinks.
Diaper brand really does matter!
Because God is just, he had man invent SwaddleMe's, swings, and pacifiers.
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| First Halloween - Pea Pod |
Babies do not care about Halloween as much as you think they would
Babies don't like it when their moms wear mustaches
You can lead a baby to a bottle, but can't make em drink
Diapers hold less at nighttime than during the daytime
It is extremely easy to get caught up in times, patterns, and numbers. I really have to stop to remind myself that I'm not in control, and to enjoy things.
There are three sure-fire ways to wake a sleeping baby within a 1800 square foot area.
7-week-old babies are so much cuter than 6-week-old babies!
It is extremely easy to get caught up in times, patterns, and numbers. I really have to stop to remind myself that I'm not in control, and to enjoy things.
Babies have the easiest lives, but they complain more than anyone else in the family.****
There is a difference between the Actual Loudness of a baby's cry and the Adjusted, or Affective, loudness of a baby's cry. The Adjusted (or Affective) Loudness can only be heard by the parents of that particular baby. You can calculate the Affective Loudness of a cry by adding the allotted amount of dB for each of the following scenarios:
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| Viva Chile! |
- cloth napkins are present (+1dB)
- less than 40% of people in the room are wearing denim (+1dB)
- more than 15 people are within a fifteen-foot radius (+1dB)
- there is no background music (+1dB)
- you are sleepy (+1 dB)
Pushing a jogging stroller through a crowded gift shop feels like I'm driving a zamboni in the midst of a hockey game.
- you hit the baby in the forehead with your teeth (+5dB)
Pushing a jogging stroller through a crowded gift shop feels like I'm driving a zamboni in the midst of a hockey game.
Everyone gives suggestions about how to do things - from dressing the baby to comforting the baby to bedtime routines. It takes about seven weeks to gain enough confidence to ignore them while smiling and nodding.
- Begin watching your favorite tv show
- Begin eating a meal - especially if that food tastes better hot or if it has the capability to melt
- Get into the hot tub.
7-week-old babies are so much cuter than 6-week-old babies!
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| 8 weeks!! |
If you are sneaking out of a baby's room, you will kick something.
Before use, you should make sure the diaper champ has a bag in it.
One hand can do things that would seem to require two of them.
You shouldn't put a Size 2 diaper on a Size 1 baby with the assumption it will hold more urine at night. The diaper-to-thigh seal just isn't there.
Sadly, babies do not know what it means to 'fall back an hour'.
The older the individual, the more likely they are to feel great sadness for babies who are swaddled.
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| Sitting up!! But I thought, "How cute would it be if she was sitting up even straighter!!" |
Riding an invisible bicycle is the baby version of Pepto-Bismol.
At times you may need someone to point out that you are moving your body in a rocking motion when there is no baby in your arms.
If you want to take a picture of a baby sitting up straight like a little person, you should do it quickly.
When your baby is fussy, your dog may use this opportunity to trick you or your husband into feeding him a second dinner.
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| Unfortunately, we didn't capture that moment. |
- you hit the baby in the forehead with your teeth for a second time (+6 dB)
- you suspect you mixed soap in with the baby's formula ( +6 dB)
- Try to sneak out of a baby's room
- Listen to the baby monitor until you are sure the baby is asleep
- If the previous suggestion was not effective, then let your head relax onto your pillow. You will see instantaneous results.
- Lay the sound asleep baby down in the crib (note: must be a crib - not a swing or bouncy seat).
Preparing to return to work is depressing
It takes six hours to watch a two-hour movie.
The more pacifiers you buy, the greater the probability that you will be able to find one.
Formula tastes bad. Like extra-watery skim milk fortified with melted cola cans.
If, especially at night, all extra swaddleme's are in the washing machine - your baby will pee on the one she's wearing.
If your highly-rated bottles have been leaking for the past nine weeks and you are sure it's not your fault, it probably is your fault.
Target-brand stuff is nice.
Don't think you'll refill your diaper bag with diapers later.
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| Nine Weeks! |
Babies don't have 'normal's. Do not say 'She normally doesn't poop at this time.' Or 'Her diapers don't leak during the day.' Or 'she doesn't really cry during car rides'. Or 'She only wakes up once during the night'.
Don't count on showing the pediatrician your baby's constant green eye gunk and red swollen eye lid at her appointment in a couple of days. So as not to be discovered by the doctor, any concerning symptoms will disappear for the appointment. But rest assured - they'll return.
That 'baby smell' everyone talks about doesn't come naturally in all babies' skin. Babies can actually have a stench.
Babies cannot be given baths unless you have a camera.
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| 3 months!! |
Things get easier sooner than you think they will. New parents need to know this!
Packing a diaper bag is an art.
Not only does a baby poop her pants, she can poop yours, too. In addition to always having an extra outfit for baby, an extra outfit for yourself should also be available.
A diaper can hold pee and poop, but the waste has to come out in that order. If the baby poops and then pees, diapers can no longer guarantee dryness.
Babies pull hair. They do this with much force and intensity. They are so cute when they do it, you just let them. This is most likely the reason most older women have short hair.
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| almost 4 months! |
Babies make Christmas a lot more hectic for their parents, and more fun for everyone else.
Sleeping until 5am for multiple days in a row feels darn good.
Babies like Eye of the Tiger, Elton John, and when their mommies talk with a man voice.
I do actually refer to myself as 'mommy'.
Parenthood and guilt are intertwined. A rash on your baby can make you feel miserable, even if your baby doesn't seem to care.
A favorite holiday pastime is 'pass the baby', but babies don't like this.
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| Some feet grabbin' action! (but shouldn't that baby be wearing socks?) |
Three months after labor, I can no longer remember what the exhaustion of having a newborn felt like. God designed our memory to function this way so that mankind would continue to reproduce.
Regardless of the room's (or baby's) temperature, people become extremely upset if they notice a baby is not wearing socks.
When I'm feeling ordinary and untalented, it is comforting to know that people were once captivated by my ability to grab my toes.
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| Dr. Seuss sale at Borders! |
Kid's books are expensive.
A baby laugh is the best!
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| Get socks on that baby..seriously. |
Kids make life speed up. The last few months have gone by quicker than any other time in my life.
All bibs are not created equal. Sometimes the ugly ones actually are better.
Babies make you get excited about odd things. Two years ago I never thought I'd be anxiously awaiting the arrival of a whole-house humidifier. Or excited that I can suck snot out of someone with a rubber hose.
- you know the baby is hungry but cannot find where you put the formula (+2 dB)
- you left half of the little plastic tag fastener in the outfit the baby is wearing ( +2 dB)
- your baby is crying and you have no clue why (+6 dB)
- your baby looked at you and immediately started crying (+6 dB)
***the annotated 'What I've Learned' is Copyright © 2010, Ben Roach. All Rights Reserved.
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