Parenthood 101: Glass Bottom Boats

Glass Bottom Boat:  

• A fictional retelling of history, repeated so often that it becomes truth. 
• An unimportant, untrue "fact" used as the subject of friendly family bickering.

All parents need at least one glass bottom boat.  I discovered my first GBB today after discussing a recent SNL digital short with Ben.  Thought I'd share.  But first, some history on the glass bottom boat:

My mom is adamant that my family took a glass bottom boat ride when I was a teenager.  It was so cool and so much fun - except none of us remember it***.    Her belief this happened has provided countless hours of family togetherness, fun bickering, and many laughs.  

Neil vs Kirk

Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie Howser, How I Met Your Mother) and Kirk Cameron (Growing Pains)

In December of 2005, my husband and I went to Disneyland.  I was very excited because the Christmas Story was being read by a C-list celebrity every few days.  Our choices at the time were Neil Patrick Harris or Kirk Cameron.  Doogie or Mike Seaver.  After much deliberation, I convinced Ben to attend the Kirk Cameron rendition.   

Obviously, Neil Patrick Harris is now awesome and funny, and Kirk Cameron is still Mike Seaver.  To make matters worse, I was under the impression we were seeing the story about Scrooge and little Timmy.   Not that I don't love the true Christmas Story - just I was expecting animated voices, amazing sound effects, and maybe some cool eery fog when appropriate.  

Kirk Cameron is known for his strong religious beliefs, so he added an extra cheesy evangelical sermon at the end. I do appreciate his intentions, but we awkwardly left with hundreds of others who were all mumbling, "I bet Doogie did an awesome Scrooge voice."

We all have regrets - but this is one I get to fix.  My glass bottom boat:  I saw Neil Patrick Harris read the Christmas Carol, and it was spectacular.  

I cannot wait until (1) I state this fact so often that I really believe it happened, and (2) I get to argue about it with Ben and Nora!

***correction to the notated sentence:  since the original publishing date of this post, a couple of family members have come forward to say they remember the boat ride, or have seen pictures of this boat ride.  There is some family confusion because the glass bottom boat ride in question supposedly took place in the Gulf of Mexico.   I will not argue against a glass bottom boat ride in a cave - that happened.  However, it was the gulf GBB ride that was the basis of the original argument.  

A Spooky Tale for the Halloween Season

Based on Real-Life Events...

AngelCare Deluxe Monitor w/ Motion Sensor -
although we've never attempted to use the sensor!

I laid awake last night for an hour listening to the strange noises coming from my baby monitor.   On two separate occasions in the past, I've heard a man say something in a deep voice. It sounds like,"Hi!"   He didn't sound scary.  Ben thought that maybe we were picking up interference from something nearby. 

Then last night, my baby monitor would make noises like someone was blowing short breaths of air into it.  Every time I would lift my head off my pillow the noise would stop. And then...BOO!! A ghost jumped out of my closet***.  Could my baby monitor be haunted? :) Good thing it is called "AngelCare" - otherwise I may be worried!

***The notated sentence was added for dramatic effect and did not actually occur.

  

What I've Learned

Norah Starlet
Sept 12, 2010
6 lb 11 oz, 19 inch

Things I Learned from Pregnancy:

Morning sickness feels worse than swine flu


You should always check out any itchiness you have on your pregnant belly.  Yes, it probably is a newly formed stretchmark .  But it could also be a crushed Cheez-It from yesterday.


You can have a fist-sized cyst for years w/o knowing. This cyst can grow to cantelope-sized w/o you knowing - and can have a full "head" of hair.  Along with retina and other various tissues.

Charlie horses can feel like someone just shot you

2 weeks later
7lb 13 oz, 21 inch

Things I Learned from Labor:

There are lots of people who work in a hospital and they all want to make sure you are well rested.  They wake you up every few hours to tell you that.

Labor is painful, but is fleeting.  It's not so bad.  And this is coming from someone with low pain tolerance.

Epidurals feel nice.

Tucks pads, ice packs, and a hole-y undergarment is a wonderful combo.  You will actually miss them when you leave the hospital!  But, really, did the underwear have to be hole-y?

An entire human comes out of you - I thought I knew that before, but I really didn't until I saw it.

Things I Learned from Nora

At 4.5 weeks, we legally Changed Norah's name to Nora :)
That 'h' was driving us crazy!  And (in possibly related news??) Nora had her first smile!

'Sleeping Like A Baby' is one of the lies that people tell you to have a baby - usually grandparents will do this because they want you to have a baby really badly and want it to sound easier than people make it out to be.  Babies don't always nap well - 


Pooping hurts!  (Well, I kind of knew that before, but I normally stop crying after just a few seconds)


For some babies, Late to Bed means Early to Rise, with lots of rises inbetween. Conversely, Early to Bed often can result in Late to Rise.  


Formula stinks. 


Diaper brand really does matter!


Because God is just, he had man invent SwaddleMe's, swings, and pacifiers.